Primavera

I am so excited about the arrival of Spring. I just returned from a walk in the park. It's beautiful out there! I went hiking last Saturday and because of all the rains, the waterfalls were in full effect. I've thought of a lot of random things to post about lately...I can't remember them all but I do remember the following:

(some of this has been inspired by Meghan's new ode to list-making..thanks Meg!!)

My 3 least favorite songs (i thought of this while inadvertantly hearing #3 while driving home from work one day...i thought "hm i need to post about how i hate this song!" and then changed the station....)

1. Love Will Keep Us Together - Captain & Tenille. I don't know, i just hate it!

2. Bennie & the Jetts- Elton John

3. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)- Toby Keith. With such awesome lyrics like "And you’ll be sorry that you messed withThe U.S. of A.`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass It`s the American way" This song is just completely ignorant and irritating. yep.

(I apologize to anyone who finds their favorite song on the list. Sorry! just a matter of opinion :)

Let's go from least favorites to FAVORITES, my favorite fabric is DOTTED SWISS (I like using the name because for the longest time i didn't know what it was called). Dotted Swiss is described as "A sheer, crisp cotton fabric, embellished with woven, flocked, or embroidered dots". A whole wardrobe of dotted swiss would be overwhelming, but luckily you only run across it once in awhile,..so i think it's beautiful and refreshing. Whenever I see something made of dotted swiss, i get really excited and usually purchase said item...my collection of dotted swiss is growing!

We had the annual dyeing of the pets this weekend, so i'll leave you with these:

oh, and we dyed eggs too! :)

oh, and this is the coolest thing! it belonged to my Granny:

Always there when you need a toothpick!

Lately and Not-So-Lately

Here we go. See, I told you I would post. It's been a mere couple of days and I'm venturing forth...

A lot has changed in the time since i've posted regularly, and there is no way to cover it all, but i can make a list with abbreviated summaries! Like Meghan, i love lists!

Since my last post before this recent bout of posting (that would be since June folks)....

1. I graduated! I finally finished school and I now have a degree in Social Work. ta da! I walked in May, took my final classes in summer and it's great to be finished! I enjoy not having homework. I miss walking across campus in the middle of the day.

2. As part of a class i was taking last Spring semester, i traveled to Belize on a short "service-learning" trip in June. We learned a lot, worked a lot, and had a lot of fun. I roomed with two of my social work classmates/great friends. It was great getting to know them better and "living" with them for a bit. Belize was very hot, but very beautiful. We stayed in a family owned "hotel" in the middle of town. The rooftop was used for hanging laundry and drying nuts, but you could go up there, grab a chair or hammock and look out to see the Carribean! We worked in schools with the children doing groupwork with them on different topics. We also spent some time with a senior ladies group at the community center. We got to take some trips on the weekends and explored some Mayan ruins and went snorkeling, which is my new favorite thing!

3. I moved. Same town, different shelter. Bye bye Maria H! I now live in a glorified version of the Campus House, glorified because it's in better condition and directly adjacent to WILSON PARK! It's old, beautiful, and heavenly. I live with Effie, Am, and a new friend and roommate Laura. It has been wonderful. This summer we had a "family pass" for the swimming pool and regularly took the journey across-the-street-and-down-the-hill for a swim. I have the cutest room i've ever or will ever have i'm pretty sure, and upstairs Laura and i share the cutest bathroom. We have a porch, a yard, and a LIBRARY. it is ridiculous and writing all these things reminds me how much more thankful i need to be for the house! We rent from a nice lady. Laura, Effie, Am and I had fun this summer taking many "housie" trips to the river.

4. I got a real job. yep. i'm a working woman. Transfer from student to full-time employee CHECK. It all happened very quickly. I started working at the end of August. I work at a non-profit advocacy center for children who have been victims of sexual abuse. I'm a child advocate/social worker. As you can imagine, it's pretty intense and sad, but it's a very unique and good position to be in where we are able to encourage parents to support their kids, help families find counseling for the children, and hopefully make the whole process a bit smoother and more comfortable. I work with GREAT people who are great coworkers and friends, and aside from it being kindof draining sometimes, i really really love it and enjoy every day. I'm learning a lot.

5. My granny passed away in September. This was very sad and unexpected. The whole thing was crazy. We all miss her a lot. A few days before my birthday, she had a stroke. It was bad but she was recovering and had moved to a facility for rehabilitation. I went to see her on my birthday (it's unimportant that it was my birthday, but is my timing frame of reference) after work and she was doing very very well. She was in good spirits and feeling well. I remember just enjoying my short time visiting her so much. I went home and we had a small party at the house. Late that night I got a phone call that she had had another stroke. She was taken to the hospital. I asked my mom if I should come and she said it was up to me,..it was very late, not much to be done. I couldn't sit around and couldn't sleep so I went. I went to the hospital to join my family and it was really difficult. My granny couldn't speak, and you could just tell she wasn't comfortable. It's hard for me to hold it together in hospitals anyways, so i had to constantly leave the room and walk the hallways trying to stop crying. In the days following that night...it was a very emotional and up and down journey for everyone. We all spent part of every day at the hospital with Granny.

At first, things seemed kindof hopeful, we were all wanting the best, a good recovery. It soon became clear that things probably wouldn't get better. So, family started coming in from out of town. We each rotated spending nights and days with her...someone always at her side. I have never experienced anything like it. When Dad died, it was very sudden, there was no dying "process" to be around for, he was just alive and then..he wasn't. It was terribly frustrating to look at this brilliant, headstrong, independent and lively woman and know how much it bothered her to not be able to say anything, not be able to move much, not be able to voice her needs or thoughts. It was hard for all of us to know what to say, how much to say, when to be quiet, when to encourage, know how to move the pillows, know when she needed something. I know that we each got to share some good yet difficult moments with her. I stayed with her one night. Even with all the time i've spent in hospitals, and all the experience with getting the attention of nurses and helping Dad with what he needed, i still felt very helpless and nervous. I remember being so worried that I would fall asleep and, if she needed something, wouldn't be able to hear her or wake up. My mom told me that I would sleep like you do when you have a newborn..with one ear open! It really was true, I felt that i slept rather soundly (as soundly as possible in a hospital) but still could sense her every stir. I spent a lot of time next to her bed, looking at her, stroking her forehead, speaking to her.

It was a really really difficult time of course for my grandpa and my mom, aunt, and uncle. The last few days were the worst,..the waiting. Just knowing that there would come a breath that would be her last. Her breathing became heavier and more labored. It was really hard to listen to. The waiting was the worst, and we just wanted her to be comfortable, which she wasn't at all. There were a lot of tears. It is strange how joy and tragedy bring people together in different ways and different levels during different circumstances. It's very interesting. There is no general rule. However, during those long long days, I felt a closeness to my mom's side of the family that i've never felt before.

I was at work when mom called and let me know that Granny had passed. Jen flew in, other family came, we had the funeral.

I miss her. that's obvious of course. I really miss her. I really regret not spending more time with her. It's one of those funny regrets in life...that you seem to always have, no matter what. I would think I would have learned this great lesson by now...of spending as much time as possible with everyone you love. It seems simple enough. I guess we get caught up in so much that doesn't matter, and it clouds out what does. I hear this nudge and lesson in my spirit all the time, and i need to heed its call more. It's even more difficult with people that you have a harder time getting along with, but no less important. It's impossible to describe all the whys and hows and details, but in short, my Granny was sometimes not the easiest to get along with. I don't want to make her sound bad...and it's probably not the case for everyone, but it took a little more patience, a little more work, a little more push, for she and I. None of that matters, I guess the point is, that when i was thinking about this after she died, I remember being struck with a thought. The thought being "she's the only one like her". She's my only "granny". She's uniquely who she is, and she is the only mother of my mother. So with everything negative and everything positive aside, that's the lesson i've received. Everyone in our lives. I keep trying to write a sentence to put this concept into words, but it doesn't work. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.

So, all that said. We miss my Granny. She was intelligent, beautiful, hardworking, caring, creative, and very good at crossword puzzles. She would always calls us "sugar" and we would sit at the kitchen table with her, and she would say "listen here hun, could you hand me that ____" or "i'll tell you what Jessi, if you hand me my purse ____". And then she would show us something interesting, or give us something neat. She told me stories about growing up, going to school in Chickasaw (pronounced "chick-o-shay"), and school at the university. She lived in what now is a law building (used to be a girl's dormitory), near where i used to live and right around the corner from where I worked on campus. She had all sorts of treasures from her travels, mostly from Japan and China. She could make a mean gum chain and loved to smoke. She studied zoology and knew pretty much everything. She knew about birds and made the best fudge you could ever eat. She was fiercely independent, stubborn, and not afraid to speak her mind. She would put you in your place but gave the best kisses on the cheek. Sometimes, some people are hard to love. But if you really think about it, and you forgive, and let what doesn't matter go, and stop thinking about how things aren't, and instead just be grateful for what is, then, it's easier to love. I miss her. She was one of a kind. She was mine. There will never be another like her. We love her.

Well, I hadn't intended for any item on the list to end up so long, but i guess i needed to write about it. I'm sure I will think of other things that have transpired in my absence from posting, but those are the biggest things. It's time for sleep now. Love the ones you're with.

It's Winter somewhere.....just not here.

i was talking about blogs with a coworker/friend of mine. it got me thinking about how i haven't posted since oh, about JUNE. ridiculous. it's interesting, this blogging thing. It serves different purposes over time i suppose. For awhile i haven't posted due to the inconvenience of not having an internet connection, and then moving, and then having a computer but again no connection, etc. Now, I have a new computer (a laptop nonetheless) and an internet connection, so i really have no excuse, other than the fact that i'm busy, but when has that ever been different, and when will that change?

So, here's to a new chapter of posting. I will try to keep up with it. First things first: I'm really disappointed in the weather. We had a bit of a snow earlier this week..really the first snow worth writing home about all winter. It still wasn't extraordinary, but it was enough to close schools and make it possible to sled in the park! I had a "nightmare" the night before that I woke up, saw lots of snow, went back to sleep and woke up to no snow! So, when I finally woke up in real life, i was pretty convinced that there wouldn't be much snow. Alas there was! And due to just the right schools being closed, none of us had to go to work. Bliss! I hurried and changed into my snow layers (i could do this in my sleep) and tapped my feet waiting for Effie to prepare. Laura had to go into work for a bit and Amber was feeling sick. Effie was a good sport and we went ACROSS THE STREET to the park (i love where i live, have i mentioned that?) Right when we walked out the door, I saw a lady getting out of a van with some kids...turned out to be my old boss! It was great to see them, and they let us take turns on the sled, hehe (since i don't have one here at the house). The rest of the time we used lids we took off of rubbermaid in the basement. There was a quite a bit of mud at the bottom of the hills..and i'm not ashamed to say that i got so snowy and muddy that i had mud stains that went through 3 layers! Hehe..it was awesome. We made snow angels, got into a snowball fight instigated by a stranger, went home to lay in our snowy backyard, and made snow ice cream (a Northern delicacy, you basically get some clean snow, throw in some vanilla, sugar and milk/cream and call it done. yum.)

We played some wii and watched 3 movies..it was a pretty great day.

Fast forward to today. They were calling for even more snow. The workplace was all abuzz with rumors about weather predictions, we had the tv on in the break room, i was watching the superdoppler loop. All looked promising. Well, it snowed for a bit and quit. And now there is "no further accumulation expected". Sad news to my ears. I hate winters in Arkansas. I don't want to sound negative, but i seriously need more snow than this maybe/sometimes/okay-here-is-3-inches-that-will-melt-by-this-afternoon variety. Cold + Ice - Snow = unsatisfying winter weather. Just my preference I suppose.

Well, tomorrow is Friday, and i have much else to be thankful for. I will forgive the weather people, and the state of Arkansas, as well as the atmosphere and precipitation, for now. :)

till then....

oh, and here's a post from a memorable snow day a few years back! Snow por fin!

oh geez

where to begin? well, it's already way too late in the evening to begin the necessary monster novel....but i'm here to acknowledge the ridiculous absence of posting. It's been roughly three months and a full three months it has been. Soon, friends, soon...it's going to happen.

eight thousand things

sometime this weekend, my roommates and i were talking about which number we always use when spouting out a random number. you know, you get frustrated and talk about how your car has messed up this certain way x amount of times, or how you've been trying to get through to talk to a real person on the other end of the cable company line and you've been waiting x hours....etc. what is your x? i think someone's was 24, mine is 8. it's always 8,000 hours or 8 million times or 800 messages. etc. anyways,..today's title is brought to you by the number 8.

there are a lot of things floating, no wait, floating is too tranquil a word..umm a lot of things running, trampling, crashing, bumping around in my head and heart right now. where to start...

Spring Break is next week, which is very exciting. Although, i'm not sure what i will be doing. the original plan was to take a roadtrip with the sister to Ohio to have some grandma time, some cousin time, and some friends with babies time, as well as some sisters-in-a-car-for-15-hours time. however, it looks like i will not have a traveling companion. So, the options are, drive there by myself (i'm not opposed to this. i could think, and listen to music, and enjoy the countryside! hehe). Or, I could stay in town, rest, read, go to the park, get things done, go camping perhaps (!!) It's the first spring break since freshman year that i haven't gone on a service type trip with my church, so i'll miss that. Anyways, i'll figure it out.

I can't stop listening to this newly discovered old waterdeep song called "silver sword". I don't know why i love it so much. i guess it doesn't matter why we love things, just that we do. Lori sings, and the lyrics are very simple, and there is a very loud drum part, which is pleasing to my ears. I turn the bass up so I can hear it in all its glory. It's just comforting and beautiful and brilliant.

I have a paper due friday for what i refer to as my "Belize class" (the official title is something like "community development in a global context: an international service learning project".) I am taking the class as an independent study, so instead of taking the exams i am writing papers. This is just as well. I enjoy writing, and i feel like i learn more when researching for papers as opposed to studying for tests. Anyways, the paper is going to be about the importance, and presence and lack of emphasis on preventive health care in developing countries (and compared to developed countries). The writer of one of the readings we had for class mentioned that one stumbling block to progress (social and human progress that is, not progress in terms of "developing" land) in many Carribean countries is that the focus is "on disease control rather than promotion of well-being". Granted, disease control is all important, but his point is that because of the situations sometimes being as bad as they are, and because of limited resources, etc., sometimes all that can be done is an effort at strategies for survival. It's the basic comparison of alleviation versus reduction. Alleviation of any social problem or illness is vital, but how much better would things be if systems just worked better from the beginning? Minus the resources part (in most cases), it reminds me of a similarly parallel issue surrounding health care here in the states. It has practically become societal acceptance that old age (and old is increasingly younger) brings health problems and disease, no matter what. In a place of having enough food (too much even!), education about nutrition and bettering your health, and good medical care (for the most part) that's helpful in things such as prevention education, screenings and soforth, so many are sick and getting sicker. Then take a look at the booming pharmaceutical industry. Medicine is good, disease research is good, lots of things are good. But things are so unbalanced. It seems to me like our societal view of health is all wrong. There are pills for everything. Meanwhile, I hear patients and clients talking of how they can't afford produce. Our food pantries are, understandably, filled with overprocessed food products that will last but are void of nutritional value. I am very interested in community garden projects that would address such needs. Anyways, I could go on...but it will be interesting to compare the contrasting issues that exist here and in the developing world concerning health care, and attitude, responsibility, etc.

In other news about the class...i am enjoying it a lot. It's a class whose approach is multidisciplinary. Already, class lectures have been delivered by professors in Literacy, Social Work, and Economics. Still to come are lectures from prof's of biology, agriculture, engineering and education..i can't wait to learn new things. All the professors hold very highly the idea that you must approach things from all angles. Healthcare improving education, education improving healthcare,..and on and on. And all the professors are over and over again emphasizing the importance of sustainability and respect in a project like this. We are not going to teach, but to participate in the teaching that's occurring. Our greatest resource is the insight of the Belizean people, and we will be learning from one another. Speaking of economics,..count me blown away. I now stand corrected in my opinion of the study of economics. I guess i've never paid enough attention to the purpose and content. Also, the professor presenting to us is very social justice-minded. Who knew that economics was a social science concerned with allocation of scarce resources? I have always equated economics with that evil word "business" i guess. Business isn't even bad in and of itself, but i guess we become elitists in our fields of study, haha. Who knew that the goal of an economic system is (or should be) to minimize effects of scarcity of resources of maximize social well-being, and what can be done with what we have. Well, I know now. I stand corrected. Interesting, I know how I feel when people completely misunderstand the nature of social work, and even worse, don't bother to learn about it. So anyways, here's to the economists (most of them anyways ;)

The actual going-to-Belize to implement the projects part doesn't seem like reality yet..but i'm very excited.

As usual, i'm reading about 6 books right now. Although i haven't spent much time in them lately. The book that's my favorite of the group is one called "Freedom of Simplicity" by Richard Foster. I told my mom I wanted something by Foster for Christmas, and this is what i got. I've read parts of "Prayer" and "Celebration of Discipline"..but this is the only Foster book I own. So far, I've loved it. It's encouraging, challenging, and i feel that i am learning a lot. I kindof dislike the title,..because I feel that it is supremely inadequate in conveying the wonderful content of its pages. It sounds like some shallow self-help book about simplifying and downsizing...but it's really brilliant. The book has two parts, the "foundation" and the "practice"..with sections on the old and new testament roots of "simplicity". Foster talks of simplicity being the "most outward of all the spiritual disciplines and therefore the most sucseptible to corruption". So far, he is speaking a lot about greed and the idolatry that comes along with our inner compulsions to have more and more (whether material or just control oriented). He has written about the call for "mishpat" and "hesed" the Hebrew words for justice and compassion. I'm not very far in..but i'll share with you one of my favorite parts so far:
Speaking of wholeness.. "economically and socially, the vision of shalom is capture in what bishop John Taylor calls the "theology of enough". The greed of the rich is tempered by the need of the poor. Justice, harmony, equilibrium, prevail. "It meant a dancing kind of inter-relationship, seeking something more free than equity, the ever-shifting equipose of a life system. Excessive extravagence, vaunting ambition, ravaging greed,---all are foreign to the complete contented brotherhood of shalom. Under the reign of God's shalom, the poor are never oppressed, because covetousness no longer rules. In a particularly tender scene, Jeremiah lamented the fraud and greed of prophet and priest, saying "They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying "peace peace" when there is no peace (Jer. 6:14). In essence, Jeremiah had filed a malpractice suit against the self-styled religious quacks. They had put a band-aid over a gaping social wound and said "shalom, shalom..all will be well" but Jeremiah thundered in effect "En Shalom, all is not well, justice is spurned, the poor oppressed, the orphan ignored, there is no wholeness or healing here!". But the healing peace of God will not be spurned forever. Isaiah saw a day when the reconciliation between people will be a reality, a day when justice and righteousness will reign, a time when the wholeness of God's peace will rule and people will "walk in the light of the Lord" (Isaiah 2:4-5) Two passages that Foster mentions in this chapter... "steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteosness and peace will kiss eachother". (Ps. 85:10) and "He has shown you what is good: and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8
I'm looking forward to reading more...although it's obviously going to be a very full book..i think it's good that i'm reading something that centers on simplicity. I have been everywhere but seeking God lately, unsure of so much.. i need to pare everything down and set my eyes on what i do know and do believe...and simply go to God in my fear and uncertainty.

A few more things (although even though this is a ridiculously long post, i don't think i'm going to make it to 8,000). Yesterday at the clinic, i took notice of a poster that listed a few common illnesses and their Spanish translations. "papera" is mumps and "varicela" is chicken pox. who knew?
Also, I have a confession to make...one that will brand me forever as a dork...no turning back....i bought Oregon Trail on amazon.com for about 4 dollars. for real. i'm truly excited. let the making fun of me commence..i don't care :)
One more thing..I am officially an aunt!..to a bunny. my sister and her fiance are now the proud owners of a rabbit. I know, it's ridiculous..but i'm excited. I haven't had a bunny since I was about 8..and that's too much time. I want to take the bunny on walks to the park (they're ridiculous and they bought a leash) but everyone around me has conflicting opinions on what the likelihood is that the dear bunny would become an afternoon snack for some big dog. (I hope my dogs don't eat her!). I don't want to stress out other dogs and dog owners..and i don't want to be a spectacle at the park..but i want to walk the bunny. Hmmm.

Well, I suppose that's enough for now. Goodnight.

un perro que parece una oveja

so i went to the Dr. today. As i was waiting, i picked up a magazine, naturally. i was flipping through the pages and i stopped at a red page with a small box of text in the middle and the silhouette of a dog. (good job advertising folks and designers..you got my attention!)

anyways, the advertisement (this word sounds best if you are South African, like Mr. Carl Burgers) was talking about a certain brand of dog food, the details of which i don't really remember. what i DO remember is it's educational highlight on a certain breed of dog..the Bedlington Terrier. the ad said something about how the terrier looks like a lamb but has the courage of a lion! (or something like that).

a dog that looks like a lamb. perfection. now, i know that many of you reading this have pegged me as an animal lover. it's true, i love them. they are cute and i can't contain my adoration for squirrels and the like. but truly, i wasn't one of those kids growing up who, when asked what they liked or were interested in, said "animals! i love animals!". i did have the 4th grade dream of being a veterinarian. i had a subscription to "Dog Fancy" and made a poster (this was not a school project, just fun!) about dogs usings cut-out photos and information from said magazine. But, other than that,..i've never been what i consider animal crazy..i'm many things crazy, but animal crazy, seems to be a recent development. they're just so cute!

anyways, i'm getting way off topic. i like sheep. i've never had too many encounters with the dears, but i love them. i remember one Christmas, my cousin Molly got a lamb as a gift. She named the little lamb Ivy, it had a red bow around its neck, and it was a beautiful creature. (i should have grown up on a farm, i think). As a "city" dwelling kid, you don't really get to have sheep. Hamsters, fish, rabbits, dogs, cats and the like, but no sheep. whatever, i survived. So, back to the ad...the other night, the roommates and i were enjoying the finest form of entertainment, the national dog show..or whatever its fancy name really is. We decided that if one is ever sad or angry, all they need do is flip on the national dog show tv program thingie. why? A) cute dogs. and if you don't care about dog cuteness then.. B) you can laugh at the silly looking dogs, and if that still isn't your idea of fun and comfort, you can.. C) be alarmed by the ensembles worn by the dog owners. Anyways, somewhere in the program there were a few dogs that resembled sheep, and i promptly wanted one.

So back to the ad. The ad cited the Bedlington Terrier, so naturally i had some research to do. "It has been described as a dog with the heart of a lion and the appearance of a lamb." Sigh. The dog really does look like a lamb. i want one!

All that to say, i'm never going to pay big money for a pet,..and my favorite pets ever have come straight from the pound or from a family member's farm. (Although i did find an organization that seeks "foster families" and others to adopt rescued Bedlingtons. (i think they're kinda crazy, they sell commemorative Bedlington plates, and there's also a "limited editionstained glass clock" featuring the Bedlington being raffled off...hmmm. right.) In general, i'm more of a labrador/mutt kinda girl, but well, take a moment and take a look at the Bedlington...you may think it's ugly, that's okay :)

Anyways, maybe one day i will have a dogthat looks like a sheep..a dream come true! ( i can't believe i just wrote THIS long a post about a terrier. shoot.) oh well, have a nice day!

well i'll be darned

it's been over a year since my little desktop computer has had an internet connection, hence the super sporadic posting. As of a few days ago, we are connected. It's been kindof nice going without cable and internet, but it's also nice being able to watch "mythbusters". And it's nice to be able to check my email, get info. on the weather, and look up completely useless stuff whenever I want. Anyways, the internet connection will allow me to post more often now, provided i have things to say. Unfortunately, it seems like every year there are more and more things about which I can't exactly share on the internet, however much I wish I could, as with my internships and stuff. Anyways, i'll do my best to discreetly summarize lessons learned sans details. If nothing else, I'll just post links about squirrel habitats and social justice issues affecting South American indigenous peoples. ha.

I'm technically in my last semester of my undergraduate career. It's weird and I mostly don't want to think about it. It's exciting, but scary, as are most things worth anything in life. The answer to the question "what's next?" is "i don't know". There are so many things i want to do, and that in itself is a bit paralyzing.

I've been kindof, what's the word...."lame" so far this semester. I feel incredibly unmotivated, unhopeful, uneasy, and lazy. I'm hoping to leave these feelings behind soon. I guess we have to retreat and check-out every once in awhile in life, but it's not for every day.

Patty Griffin just released a new album "Children Running Through" and it is beautiful. I'm also pretty much in love with Ray LaMontagne's old album "Trouble".

Have a good weekend!

oh you know..

it's kind of a pain that the beginning of the holiday season occurs at the precise time when the semester becomes crazy. i'm ready for winter break, but there's much standing between now and then. And so, the countdown begins: 2 tests, 1 final, 1 giant project and several internship hours to go. It's weird not having 5 classes and 5 finals...but it's not any less stressful, just different. I heard that it's supposed to be near 80 degrees on Thanksgiving Day. I'd rather have early snow. seriously.

Growing up, Thanksgiving was the holiday we always hosted at our house. My grandma and sometimes my closest cousin Heather would come and stay over the night before. My mom and grandma would get up early to start preparing the food, we'd all take breaks to watch the parade, and my cousin, sister and I were always up to some crazy antics. For some reason, the Thanksgiving i remember most was the one when cousin, sister and i watched Peter Pan..and then repeatedly, and i mean repeatedly, jumped off the sofa, attempting to fly. Of course, now that i think about it, i realize that that could have just as easily been a summer memory...but i remember it as Thanksgiving. Memories run together..you know.

Anyways, those dear mornings were followed by the sure and sudden filing in of aunts and uncles and cousins, feasting on home-cooked food, and then more running around the house, up to the attic and back down, while the grown-ups watched a football game and caught up with eachother. The day ended with folks slowly making their way out, and my cousins and i lobbying to let them stay over again so that we could keep working on the play we were writing, producing, directing and starring in. The parents would discuss the weather, whether or not we were expecting some road travel-complicating amount of snow, and make plans about who would return the kids. I miss those house-full-of-people Thanksgivings in Ohio, but it is good to spend holidays with my "Southern" side of the family as well.

Tonight I caught "Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving" on TV with my mom. I didn't know it existed, but it was pretty good. Woodstock accidentally toasts Snoopy's ear, awesome...though, it's not as riveting as "A Charlie Brown Christmas"..naturally.

In other news...I got another A on my last math test. two in a row. unprecedented. let's keep this up. Also, I can't wait to hear the new Over the Rhine holiday album.

On Sunday, i played in the leaves with my mom and my dog. If you haven't played in the leaves with a dog lately....please make every effort to do so. This is life.

I just saw a commercial for weekend foster care. It made me cry. It's incomprehensible...not having a family. There are almost 600,000 children in the foster care system currently. More than 20,000 children never leave the system, they simply "age out". Can you imagine that? You have never had a family, and you are now on your own. Thirty percent of the homeless population in the US and about twenty-five percent of prisoners were once in foster care. (statistics from abc news foster care call to action). i am not surprised.

Okay, I've managed to misuse a good sliver of time...back to homework. Oh, one more thing. The Weepies anyone? ... songwriters Deb Talan and Steve Tannen, neat story about how the band came to be. I really like what i've heard.. It's not often i'm finding "new" music that i love,..usually i'm finding old music that i come to love. this stuff seems like good new stuff. i love their voices. i love the birds on their album cover. i love birds,..you just can't go wrong with birds. (no wonder musicians employ the bird in album design over and over again! birds "get" music. i mean, they are music makers!.....okay, enough of being crazy..) Go listen to The Weepies! (they have a myspace page too, of course, goodness who doesn't? I wouldn't be surprised if Kofi Annan did...crazy phenom. anyways...www.myspace.com/theweepies

I'll leave you with this quote:

"Reading for pleasure, reading a novel while you are on the bus or the train or the subway, reading a biography instead of returning all your boss's emails, reading philosphy in the back of a seminar that your corporate team sent you to, reading a short prose poem translated from Spanish by your favorite Chilean playwright in the coffee shop, reading a movie review on line at the place where you pay bills when you are too late to mail them, just reading novels and books in general will greatly aid you in your pursuit not to be rich, if only in their sheer time-as-money wasting capacity. It makes a practicing nonbazillionaire like myself tremble to consider how much money i could lose reading Anna Karenina" -Robert Sullivan "How Not to Get Rich: Or Why Being Bad Off Isn't So Bad". (The Chilean author thing is just a coincidence :) )

Good luck to all at battle with a long to-do list. Remember to play in the remaining leaves!

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full- Jesus John 10:10

i <3 math and math <3s me

for real! Please if you will, note my current (and i'm betting temporary) not-absolutely-negative regard for math. I just made an A on a math test. No, I'm not kidding. This is huge...for me. I'm not a "math person". I can handle math when i understand it, heck i can even halfway enjoy plugging in numbers and watching complex equations resolve. The key word however is "understand". Like with most things that don't come naturally to us, the only way to succeed is to spend lots of time with said things. Who wants to spend time practicing something they don't like and haven't ever been very good at?
I'm not ever going to love math, but what i've learned is something so simple that i'm sure i should have learned it by now: the surest way to learn something new.. is to study it. Ahh study. What a word eh? We throw it around a lot..study hall, workstudy...um i'm sure there are more. Anyways, the great part about college is being able to "study", have your focus on, something you enjoy and have atleast some natural affinity for. Research papers, tests, and essays in your major take time, and some "studying", but not the kind of studying required for something you don't understand, something you...hate.
All that to say... what's most important is that i have proved the possibilility of studying so hard that you get an A on a test in a subject you don't "get". So, be encouraged, if you're feeling like there's no way you could ever do well on a certain test. It is possible. I mean, you have to pretty much study the same thing, practice the same 100 problems, all day for three whole days,..but it's possible. This also requires time...something you probably don't have very much of. Which is where prioritizing comes in...and a whole slew of complex issues along with that. For example, I had to miss the annual inner city trip this weekend. Was getting an A on my test worth missing the trip? In the long run? no. I mean, when I'm near death, i'll be a little sad that that one weekend back in November of 06' i spent the whole time in my room making friends with finding the vertex of every combination of numbers known to man instead of taking a trip with friends to help out a church and play with kids. However, while i'm nearing death, i will also be happy that i was able to get my degree in social work..something i haven't figured out how to do without passing math classes. So, yeah, balance...i'm learning.

Another thought...it all turns out to be pretty simple, math that is, once you spend time with it...a lot of time. I think I did each practice problem about 80 times. At the end of the module it tells you how many minutes you've spent on it...from that i deducted that i spent about 23 hours studying for this test. Do normal people do that? Probably. I'm probably just the lazy student behind the times. Whatever, right now i feel like a superhero.

I'm kinda sad that my first blog in roughly two months was devoted to math...but it's okay.

Not having an internet connection and being really busy kinda make blogging frequently difficult. A season for posting a lot and a season for not eh?

Interestingly, this semester has been very eventful...lots of post fodder for sure. 1) There are the usual highs and lows that life provides 2)this is my last fall semester of my undergraduate career 3) i'm doing a social work internship. Unfortunately I will never be able to say too much about the latter. I must learn to navigate the tricky waters of confidentiality and such. I can share what I've learned..and i will.

For now though, I must go home and keep working on my list of things to get done..it's long.


Don't forget to vote!!

yeah i know..

i've fallen off the posting bus. but i'll be back on soon..

lame-ness and get-togethers

Before I start talking about lame-ness, let's talk about something great. Last night we had people over to our place for our Sunday night "praise, prayer & potluck" (or whatever the clever title is), and it was so wonderful. It's just beautiful to have lots of people in a small space, laughing, sharing, praying, singing, and eating together. This is community, this is family. this is church.
On to being lame...
-i averaged one post each for the months of february and march. that's lame. i'm still fascinated by the pelican pouch (read the previous post) but i want to comment on the World Cup.
-First of all, I kinda wish I had tv/time so i could watch more of it. Secondly, when I think of the world cup, this is what I think of: During the last World Cup, in June of 2002, I was backpacking in Northern Chile. When the games started, I was in the small, beautiful town of San Pedro, which receives a few hours of electricity a day. I remember hearing about how everyone was going to gather in the one bar with the best reception to watch the competition. For some reason, my friends and I didn't end up joining the World Cup watching fun...I have no idea why we didn't, again..lameness. I also remember a conversation where we talked about how we were all going to have an exchange student reunion in Germany in 2006, coming together to attend the World Cup! It's amazing the things that seem possible when they are four years away! Alas, no reunion. So, that's all I wanted to say. Fellow Chile kids 01-02, sorry it didn't work out.
-This week is the week of "no seriously, I have to study math". I have a test and two finals (one final is for my lab, but i'm not too worried about it..the other test and final? worried...). So, please don't tempt me with invitations to go swimming, hiking, or pelican watching. Thanks.

a salad of a post

just a few things..

-i was reading an article on the American White Pelican in a new issue of National Geographic. I find a lot of things fascinating, and I now count myself fascinated by the American White Pelican (or, more accurately, by God, and his ridiculous genius and artistry in creating things). The article was pretty neat. I was most astounded by this fact though; did you know, that the pouch under the pelican's beak has a THREE GALLON CAPACITY? I didn't. There is this really neat photo in the article of a pelican, with a huge fish in his pouch. The caption tells us about the pouch's capacity, and how the pelican tips his beak down to let the water drain out, and then tips his head back to swallow the fish whole. I know you're think that I'm crazy right now, but seriously, it's just a really bizarre and fascinating photo. If they ever post in on the NG site, I'll be sure to link to it. For now, there's a gallery in the link above, with other photos. I love it.

- I watched the film "Munich" last night. It was good, you should watch it.

- Check this out: Over-the-Rhine Community / Over-The-Rhine Community Council So,There is a band, called "Over the Rhine". It's probably my favorite band. I love them. So, if you are a fan, you know that their name comes from "the name of a downtown neighborhood in Cincinnati, Ohio, where the band got its start. The neighborhood was founded roughly 150 years ago by mostly German immigrants. Central Parkway, a street that separates Over-the-Rhine from the rest of downtown, was once upon a time the Erie Canal. Cincinnatians who crossed the Erie Canal to get into the German part of town began referring to the trip as going "Over-the-Rhine." The links I posted above, are links to the site of that community's council. I've never really read or known anything about the community, but it seems like they have some good stuff going. For example, the Peaslee center "Peaslee is a place that seeks to welcome and nurture the involvement of neighborhood folk in building a stronger, healthier community where Educational & Cultural & Political Awareness GROW. "... "Cincinnati Public Schools slated the building that is now the Peaslee Center to be closed. The current building was the smaller, but newer, annex to the larger existing school building. After neighborhood residents had heard about the proposed closing of the school in which many felt was a positive community school and resource, neighborhood women raised over $200,000 to buy the building from the school district with the vision of turning the building into a neighborhood center." and the Drop-Inn Center Shelter. Anyways, no reason really to post all this, other than that I think it's really neat, and it makes me want to visit one Ohio city i haven't been to...Cincinnati. As for the band, they don't have any tour dates near here any time soon...sad.

-Okay, there is other real stuff I want to post about, but i have to run. take care cielitos.
"Nothing is yet in its truest form"-CS Lewis

Val's tattoo

well,.. as usual when i want to avoid life or homework, or both...i read whatever i posted during this month a year or two or three ago. i think we could all use a little humor, so let me share this with you...
on June 23, 2005 i posted and asked the question: "have you ever considered getting a tattoo? if so, what and where would it be?" On July 2nd, the lovely Miss Valerie commented "If I wasn't deathly afraid of needles, I'd probably get a small tattoo of some sort of artistic nature design like a sun, moon, or flower on my ankles or possibly the Fayetteville Public Library symbol. That would rock." That would rock Val, I love you. To encourage Val in this endeavor, please visit her at www.librarianninja.blogspot.com and leave her a comment. Please join us in this campaign for Val's Fayetteville Public Library ankle tattoo, and you too can have a part in making a meaningful change in this world. Hey, Effie...ever considered a Mullins tattoo?

alright, alright..homework...right.

moss

every summer i'm inspired to make a ridiculously long list of a bunch of things i want to accomplish/see/do/experience/organize etc. Even though summer is no longer just just a
wide-open 3 month block of free time like it was when we were 10 years old, it still has the power to make you feel like it holds the small possibility of allowing you to check things off the list. Most of these things never actually get done, but some do, and those things are what make the summer a summer. Sometimes this list is just in my head, other times it's written. This summer the list takes the form of an aesthetically pleasing spiral bound notebook with colored boxes in different shades of green and blue. I have a table of contents to keep things organized...

The list includes both things that are entirely feasible and things that aren't (but what's feasible anyway?) I've listed things like... have more art days, learn conversational skills in another language (and practice Spanish), catch up on documentaries, books, and movies i've been wanting to see/read, learn more names of plants, etc. There are also the bigger goals, that extend beyond the summer, things that hardly seem right placed beside goals like "make a headboard and an ottoman",.. things like... spend more time in prayer, nurture relationships with loved ones, become a more disciplined person, wake up early and get enough sleep.

So, here's to the list....i'm not super organized, and i'm not a perfectionist, but boy do i like making lists, and boy do i like doing stuff/making stuff/learning stuff and adventures.

I'm happy to announce that i'm making great progress with one of my goals "spend lots of time outdoors!" I've been lake canoeing, lake kayaking, and swimming in a river all in the past week.
I also planted stuff with mom in the garden over the weekend,..and I know it's too exciting to even type...I planted moss. Truly, moss is one of my favorite things.

The trip to the river was wonderful. Some friends and I decided it was a good afternoon for a swim in a natural body of water(sometimes pools just don't cut it), so we drove to a spot where we knew there was a river, next to some beautiful bluffs. Had we been swimming there before or even really know a route to the water? No, but we parked on the side of the road, cut through the trees, and found a path to the shore. It was beautiful.

These things help to balance out the other realities of summer (read: math class). And now, I will attempt a feat so rare that I myself cannot believe it's about to be attempted. I will say something positive about both the sticky, humid summer heat AND math....at the same time:
So you see,... they keep the temperature in the math building slightly above freezing. Therefore, when i walk out the doors after hours of clicking away and scribbling away and trying to make my brain work against its own current, I enjoy the summer humidity, heat, and sun, even if just for a few moments.

how was that? i bet you're impressed. Okay, time again to study... I hope you are all fairing well with your own summer aspirations.

el verano, las ardillas, e Austin

well.....i'm done with one more semester. i have a true summer vacation lasting from yesterday to this sunday and then summer school begins (at 7:30 monday morning). So, instead of making this a long post, i'm going to canoe...because I love to canoe.
i mostly logged in to say this: i never thought i could love the Austin City Limits festival and all it entails any more than i already do....well, i was wrong. i love them even more...here's why.
i haven't been able to watch the video yet,..but i can't wait.
hope we can go...willie nelson! the flaming lips! ben harper! tom petty!..etc. and...i love the little cricket at the bottom of the screen hanging out in the swaying grass.
okay....back to summer vacation...

i'm almost

done with the spring semester. i have 4 finals and one essay to go.....all before Tuesday.

it's ironic that i've thought of so many things this past week that i've wanted to post about..it will just have to wait. i will say four things though, since four is a nice number...

1) i went to see Eisley last night. they are great musicians, and it was a fun show. the venue was the beautiful Cain's Ballroom (where i saw Patty play awhile back). I really like it there, it's a neat old venue, with high ceilings, wooden floors, and portraits of old old country stars on the walls...it makes you wanna dance. i studied for my scwkpracticeIII final on the way there, we took photos in alleys before the show, we ate dinner at 11:30, and we watched the ridiculously beautiful lightning on the way home. great roadtrip.
2) it's storming today. that's enough to make my upcoming weekend o' study bearable.
3) people are leaving! i think i just realized this! more on that later....
4) i am in desperate need of an art day.

prescription for a joyous moment

Drive south on a country road at 6:32 p.m. as the sun is setting to your right, coloring the hills, fields, and cows. put the windows down so the warm breezes come in. listen to tracks 11-12-13 on Rusted Root's "When I Woke" album. additional joy is attainable if you follow a car containing someone you love and two silly dogs thrilled to take a ride and throw their ears to the wind.

"Waitin’ to see your bright light shine. We’ll wait ‘til the mornin’ comes, We’ll laugh as the sun, laugh as the sun. Bright and loud "
"Back to the earth, I feel it, yeah. Back to the earth, I’m fallin’"

wasted.

It's one of those times. I'm not feeling particularly well, and life is a bit overwhelming. There are decisions to be made and realities to face and things to do, and the danger of being overwhelmed is allowing it to ensure a self-absorbed perspective. i tend to hole-up, perfect a certain level of reality-avoidance, and waste...waste time, waste resources.

what am i doing? Even being conscious and aware of what i'm doing is sometimes not enough to make me move. Life hurts less if you walk around not feeling, not thinking, not being immersed. It's harder to be let down when you are detached.

and this reaction, i think, is one of the most damaging ways to approach life. And, it is certainly not a place God wants us to feel at home in. What's so scary is knowing how easy this is to slip into, even being one who usually makes a point to at least try and be fairly present in most moments.

I was reading this article the other day in "Backpacker" magazine about a guy in California who lost the use of his legs, but is currently on his third attempt at ascending a local mountain...In his wheelchair. Even physically, we don't use what we have enough. We take our health for granted and we don't use our legs. We can run! ...And we sit.

The trouble and injustice in this world can keep you in one place. It is daunting to think of all the work to be done and the giant absence of love. Every day i come into contact with several people. Do i take time out from thinking about myself to care about who they are and what they've seen? We have hearts! ...And we keep to ourselves.

another thing that can distract me from what i need to be doing is the pursuit of justice for myself. The desire to be vindicated in the face of being mistreated can get in the way of any efforts to love. i can be so wrapped up in trying to fix things for myself that i will forget to be patient, to love, and encourage.

i am reminded of an entry in Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for his Highest"..April 13th
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord." Psalm 55:22 If we undertake work for God and get out of touch with Him, the sense of responsibility will be overwhelmingly crushing; but if we roll back on God that which He has put upon us, He takes away the sense of responsibility by bringing in the realization of Himself. - you have been bearing it all; deliberately put one end on the shoulders of God. Commit to God "that He hath given thee"; not fling it off, but put it over on to Him and yourself with it, and the burden is lightened by the sense of companionship.

surely, if i meet struggle with avoidance, then the act of abiding in Christ has suffered.

Oswald, 10.14
"Then the eleven disciples went . . Unto a mountain where Jesus had appointed them." v. 16. If I want to know the universal sovereignty of Christ, I must know Him for myself, and how to get alone with Him; I must take time to worship the Being Whose Name I bear. "Come unto Me" - that is the place to meet Jesus. Are you weary and heavy laden?....
"Go ye therefore. . . ." Go simply means live. Acts 1:8 is the description of how to go. Jesus did not say - Go into Jerusalem and Judea and Samaria, but, "Ye shall be witnesses unto Me" in all these places. He undertakes to establish the goings.
"If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you. . . " - that is the way to keep going in our personal lives. Where we are placed is a matter of indifference.....
"None of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself . . ." That is how to keep going till we're gone" .

i'm reminded of one of my favorite sermons, "Mary of Bethany" by Mike Bickle...
"i believe that the real heart of hell is the concept of wasting your life. i don't think there is anything more tragic then a believer living futilely lacking zeal in this generation, in the day in which they live........Jesus came to save us from futility and vanity in both ages (the here & now and eternity)".....the word "believe" is much more than a one time reach to God in a desperate moment...it is the continual process of reaching in faith and obediance..."he that believeth on me should not perish" Matthew 13" -Mike Bickle
go to this page, scroll down, and listen to the mp3 titled "Mary of Bethany"


Will we seek God first, ahead of our worries, anxieties and desires in this world?
what am i doing? with my time, with my heart, with my legs... am i loving, running, and working with all my heart? i have one hour on the Earth, what am i doing with it?

the kill-zone

so much to write, but i have a story for you...

A story of Adventure by Val & Jess

As we were walking in the woods around Lake Fayetteville a voice suddenly came from behind us, "This place is haunted! Leave now before you die!" We turned to face our attacker and a nine year old boy stood behind us clutching a lightsaber. "Leave now!", he warned. Then his friend appeared, also armed in the manner of a Jedi. "Don't worry, we're just playing, we won't hurt you," he reassured us. Feeling at peace about our safety, the boys followed us down to the dock. They then informed us that they had discovered a gravestone in the "kill zone." The second boy had a double bladed lightsaber and was thus known as Darth Maul. Heproudly told us that he had gotten his "make your own lightsaberkit" for his birthday and that he could "make any lightsaber I please." When we asked if the boys were brothers Darth Vader (ouroriginal ghost) said "No, it's a play date. Homeschooling, you know." After demonstrating the sound chips in the lightsabers, Darth Vader asked if we wanted to visit the gravesite. We eagerly followed with them as protection when we arrived at another "killzone" where several other boys all armed with lightsabers or twigs were battling to the death. A younger boy lying on the ground yelled sadly, "Why am I always the one that dies?!" After a few minutes of force choking and mayhem, Darth Vader decided it was time to continue. "Stop this!", he yelled, "Stop the fighting! I have to show the ladies the kill zone!" We followed him up to the other kill zone, and at first he was afraid to reapproach the dreaded gravesite. However, he bravely pressed on and we arrived at thegravesite of that brave Jedi, "Common Persimmon." We contemplated his heroic deeds briefly and then Darth Vader and Darth Maul returned to their battle and we to our vehicle and our adventure was at an end.

here's another treat...Chris Burke Band

spring?

the seasons have changed, i suppose that's a good reason to post. Today it's thunderstorming, this past week has been warm and breezy, and the daffodils are coming up! There have also been hints of summer heat to the tune of the mid (humid) 80's..or as Valerie would say "the temperature is starting to border on my upper boundary of comfort". I agree Val! Anyways, despite my longing to post, I must construct the beginnings of the always popular "literature review". Here I go...