the third

They say that a tragedy or death in the family can lead to one of two outcomes. It can either bring folks together, or shatter the unit to pieces. There’s a third..this is it. The shattering happens. Blown to bits. A new reality crashes into years of something else and issues a challenge to retain stability. We become different people, the years ahead look different, and everything is labeled as before or after. A new closeness tries to grow, though painfully, it’s made of desperate clinging to what remains, and a flustered effort to create new beauty so to prove that it might come again. Years after, when you realize that big laughs are still possible, and conversation about the one you miss comes easily and with some speck of joy, you look around at the others trudging with you and love them ferociously, more than before. That is the closeness that comes. But the break shows up. It doesn’t go away. There’s always a fragmentation, a big scar, the knowing that for all the beauty re-grown, it could be better. The evidence reverberates through the months. That’s the shattering, and those pieces don’t come back together.